DARK LAME

It is only the 2nd week of the year and already I have my lamest book of the year, Marvel’s “DARK REIGN”. I don’t know how the same company can put out the lamest book of the year and the best book of the year. It’s like looking at brothers and saying, “I don’t know how they can related.”

Now I may be missing something from Brand New Day on accounta I avoided it like the plague, but what the Avengers know, Stark should know, what Stark knows, the Government should know.
Okay, so the Avenger’s know Harry Osbourne was the Green Goblin, and the Thunderbolts know Osbourne ‘Went Green’ in T-Bird Mountain, and Emma, bless here soul, seems to know Osbourne is the Green Goblin, so how does the government NOT know Harry Osbourne is the Green Goblin? Therefore the Government knows Harry Osbourne is Green Goblin, and a nut case. I don’t care how much of conspiracy theorist you are no Government (even one’s motivated by their own self interest & aggrandisement, which we can safely assume is how Marvel views it’s government-and I’ll admit makes for good comics), but no government hands over the reins (dark or otherwise) to a known unstable psychopath, convicted mass murder, whether he’s a war hero or not. It’s stupid!

Secondly, no normal citizen would rally around someone who, on national TV, unhesitatingly pulled out a big ol’ gun and whacked the enemy. The normal reaction would be uncomfort, people would be made nervous by that sort of behavior. Someone shrouded in a vague term like ‘War hero’ is appointable, someone who’s war deeds are fully disclosed is not.

And why would the higher ups in government (assuming they couldn’t figure out he was the Green Goblin on account of not looking at his criminal record) appoint someone who was obviously ambitious without limits, who would inevitably be a liability to them? If you and I joe comic book guy can see through Osbourne’s cheap little publicity stunt, don’t you think seasoned, machavellian, clandestine, shadow-cabinet, power behind the presidency types could see through it? Why would a government give him a carte blanche to ransack & steal it’s darkest most dangerous secrets without oversight? You’d think they would oversight crazy after the SHIELD debacle.

Why wouldn’t they promote a shield soldier like, Maria Hill, Stark’s 2nd in command?
She takes orders well, wasn’t particularly ambitious, she also was a war hero. A little Media hype and Voila! A happy, safe, feeling population, again.

Then there was the art in “Dark Reign” #1. Awful. I like Maleev, but Loki looked like an aging porn star, Namor looked like some, over the hill, pip-squeak thug from the lower rungs of the Russian Mob.

Now, it is possible the concept might unfold in an interesting way. If Namor or Doom end up backstabbing Norman, or Emma turns the tables on him or Dormanuu ends up with his soul or whatever the Big D is after maybe this will fly, but I doubt it. Why would we expect anything different than “Secret Invasion” or “Civil War” anyone remember that dog?

And answer me this, what could human nut job like Osbourne offer a Norse God who can bend reality get from a human nut job, that would make it worth Loki’s while to join him?
What could Osbourne offer the Dreaded Dormanuu? Why would Ares the God of War deign to become a human power-monger’s lap dog? How about you split his head open with your Axe and you take over?

And you can’t tell me Luke Cage would ever go to the Green Goblin for help, after all he said to Jessica Drew in S.I. But it’s for his daughter now, right? If that were the case when Civil War first started, why wouldn’t he have gone over to the Government side, which would have been safer and in his child’s best interest, than living as a fugitive in someone’s creepy attic? Makes no sense.

It’s like a stupid soap opera. Luke returns from a coma only to find his mind has been switched with his sissy twin. And hey, why wouldn’t Spider-Man give Luke Mephisto’s business card? “Call this guy Luke, he’ll be able to get your kid backā€¦” If Luke would sell out Osbourne, why not hit Mephisto up, he would get results much quicker. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.

I don’t know when Marvel forgot what the definition of Hero was. Heroes are supposed to tempted by the easy way out all the time, tempted, but they should always find the harder, more clever, way around it. Emerge with their souls intact. Why does Marvel feel the need to compromise all our heroes turning them into cowards and quitters? Oh, but they will rise up in the end. Well, I don’t really care. How many times are you going to let your girlfriend cheat on you and come back all apologetic before you dump her?

The more I think about it, I hate everything about what Marvel is doing. I might just close up my shop and sell rusty razor blades on the street corner instead.

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Updated: December 6, 2010 — 10:17 pm

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